12 years

It is hard to believe that it has been twelve years since they took you away from me and Patrick.  I know that I was not a good mother, but I wasn’t bad either.  There were a lot of things I could have done differently but there is nothing that I can do about it right now.  I just hope one day you find out all the truths.  For example, your father did not have a heart attack like everyone says.  Your father committed suicide and if he knew where you and I were, he would have taken both of us with him and while some may say that is a lie, I know it to be the truth.  He used to sit outside our house with loaded guns all the time, especially if I had company when you were away.  I will tell you that he killed himself the day he was served with a restraining order because for the first time he had scared be very badly and there was such anger in his face.  I did not do it because I wanted to keep you from him, I did it because he needed to stay away from me.  I would never deprive you from your father, but I guess in the end, I did just that.  I do want you to know that I did try everything I could to make our marriage work, he even agreed to go to marriage counseling, but I was not happy and the reason I left him when I did was because we were sitting at the dinner table one night and your father said something to you, you were about 1-1 1/2 years old, and you looked at him with such anger in your eyes and slapped him across the face.  I knew it was time to leave because I didn’t want  you to end up hating your father.

Our home was not a happy one, although I tried.  However, do not get me wrong, I am not putting all the blame on your father because just as it takes two people to make a marriage, it also takes the same two people to end that marriage.  After years of trying and your father being an asshole, I quit trying.  None of it had anything to do with you what so ever, it was strictly how your father treated me and it started the day we were married.  It was almost like I went from being an individual to his personal property.  At any rate, none of that is important, or it could be if you are interested in hearing it, but as far as I am concerned it is in the past and I do not regret any of my decisions, except one and that was allowing them to adopt you.  They are liars and they did what ever they could do to get you as their own, even lying to your Uncle Don.  I knew I was fucked but it was too late and there was nothing that I could.  I never thought you would never be in my life again.

Now, as far as some of the things you may or may have not heard.  I do not drink alcohol, I did my partying days when I was 21.  I only drink occasionally.  I do not do drugs, the only thing I ever did was smoke pot and I do not consider that a drug since it is grown by mother nature herself.  I no longer smoke cigarettes, I quit 6-7 years ago.  I am in no way perfect, I have made mistakes, I made some bad decisions in my past but I dealt with them and learned from them.  Patrick is a wonderful man.  When we were first together he was on this medicine and he didn’t realize how much it was affecting him and after sometime I got through to him and was able to get him switched off that medicine for good.  Patrick treats me like a queen and loves me with all his heart and soul.  He would have been a great father to you.  We talked about getting married when you still lived with us but then your dad died and we didn’t feel that it was appropriate, so we put it on the back burner so you could have time to heal.

I can say that the person I used to be, she no longer exists.  I am so much stronger now, I don’t take people’s shit and I do not lie and anything that I have ever told you has been the truth and that is important to me.  I did legally change my first name, back in 2012, and it was the best thing I ever did.  With the exception of you  not being in my life, which has been hurting me every second of every day, I have a good life.  You don’t have to believe a thing that I have said, not that you will ever read this.  I did write you today on Facebook, from another account that I have, but I do not see you writing me back and on the off chance that you do, I am sure it will be to tell me to fuck off, which is your right and I will respect that and never contact you again.

I made mistakes, I was NOT a good mother, there were a million things I could have done better but I will tell you one thing that I am not sorry about and that was giving birth to you.  I do not miss anyone in the family, they died to me a long time ago.  I tried to teach you to learn from the errors that you made.  When you stole $5 that I sent to school you got punished for it and I ended up getting cussed out because I had no right to punish you for that.  Go figure.  So, no, I don’t miss a single one of them.  They are liars and I can’t wait for the day that karma pays them a visit and kicks them so hard they will not know what hit them.  They deserve all the bad shit that happens to them, that is what happens to liars and thieves and pieces of shit.

At any rate, I did not start this to bad mouth them, I just wanted to get this off my chest.  I love you so much, but the little boy that was my son is all grown up now and no longer my son.  I think of you and I see the little six year old boy, not a grown man but that will never stop me from loving you.  You will always be my son and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to see you again one day, but I am not counting on that.  I love you, now and forever.

Amazon

Yesterday I receive an email from Amazon telling me that because I have been “manipulating reviews,” all my past reviews have been suppressed and any future ones I write also be suppressed.  Needless to say I was pissed and I mean royally pissed off.  After bitching, moaning, crying and cussing up a storm, I sat down and wrote them a letter telling them that they were wrong, that I would never manipulate a review.  I sent it and sulked some more and then it dawned on me, I know EXACTLY what they are talking about.  There is a flaw with Amazon’s review system and I have added pictures to my reviews because sellers like pictures and videos with their reviews.  When the pictures don’t attach themselves to the review I go back in there and try to attach them again and I continue doing that until the pictures stay with the review.  I really had no clue what so ever that I was doing anything wrong.  Their system is messed up, as reviewers we want to make sure the sellers that rely on our reviews can get good ones and that includes attaching pictures/video’s to the reviews.  If Amazon’s system wasn’t screwed up, then that wouldn’t happen.  I was mad, and I was upset, but then I realized that that I had fun while it lasted, I will miss it very much, I had developed a really nice repertoire with a lot of sellers and I wish I could still review but as long as it is on Amazon, I don’t see that happen.    I am going to write them again, see what they say but I am not holding my breath.

Idiots

It seems that in the world of reviewing, there are reviewers who think they are all knowing and that if people don’t do it their way then it is wrong and they should be punished for it.  I go through some of the groups and I don’t always have the money to buy it but I see it and I love it and I want to buy it so I add it to my wishlist.  Well, unbeknownst to me, my wishlist was not private, well I knew it wasn’t private, but I didn’t know that adding stuff that you see in groups is a big no no and that my account should be yanked.  I didn’t realize it was against the law to like things and add them to my wishlist.  I hid my wishlist, made it private, because I don’t want people thinking that is why I added it.  I honestly want those things, that is why I added them.  It just makes me so mad that these people jump all over my shit over something I stated I was unaware of but don’t jump all over the person that has $1035 in Amazon gift cards, which apparently they got by sellers paying them to write reviews.  I had someone come to me and ask me to review for them and they wold pay me $6 to do so, then I learned that they send me a link and not the product and I have to put a review up.  That is bullshit and that is something that I would never do.  It is wrong and dishonest and I refuse to do that shit.  I guess my vent is done with.

Discouraged

Since July of last year I have enjoyed the fun of reviewing merchandise for Amazon sellers.  It has been really great and when I first started I made a few mistakes by forgetting to put down that I got it for free or at a discount but I learned from those mistakes and grew to become a very good review with an awesome score.  Last few months or so Amazon has been on this kick of removing reviews that have nothing wrong with them.  All the correct information is on there and yet they pull them.  When you contact them about it they pretty much say so what, you’re shit out of luck.  If you complain too much, some have had their accounts shut down.  I have written a two page letter to Amazon and am sending it the old fashioned way, via snail mail, to their main office in Seattle, Washington.  I included my full name with my email address and there are two things that could happen with this.  The first being that they close my account, which would be sad because I love shopping on them.  Second, which I am hoping for, is that they will actually look into this crap and take care of it.

I do have a feeling that the first one will happen before the second one ever does and I am prepared for that.  What is the worst that could happen?  I lose my account.  Oh well, I wont be able to do anymore reviewing, which I love, but you can rest assured of one thing, I will make one big ass stink about it too.  Oh well, just wanted to get that off my chest.  Venting a little I guess.  Either way, I went around the dodo’s and went straight to their corporate office.  Someone has to do something and it is better I do it now before I get really mad and then, that is not good.

Pet Food Mat by iHausPlus

My husband and I have four furry kids who are more like our children then dogs.  For that matter, I don’t think they even know they are dogs.  Anyway, for years I always used these place mats and they were okay but if their water spilled, there was no place for it to go except onto the hard wood floor.  They were white, so even after I had just cleaned them they still looked dirty and I hated it.  So I got a chance to review this food mat.  It is a silicone mat, FDA grade, which is cool, black so I don’t have to worry about it looking dirty.  It is waterproof so if their water spills I don’t have to worry about it going onto my hard wood floors.  It is extremely easy to clean.  I don’t have a dishwasher, but it is dishwasher safe.  We use two big bowls because there are four of them and they fit on there perfectly.  It doesn’t slip like the place mats did and the bowls stay where they are, they don’t slide from one side to the other when the kids are eating.  The food bowl always seemed to slide on the place mats when they were all trying to eat at the same time.  This is a really great mat and it is a quality made mat as well.  I am really glad that I got this because it is so much better than place mats.

Here is the link to Amazon where you can purchase it: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016Y26I9Y?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_search_detailpage

 

Winter Socks by Copper Clips

In April of 2013 my husband was diagnosed with diabetes and he went straight to injection insulin.  We do a good job at keeping his diabetes in check but it seems like no matter what you do, there is still problems.  One of the problems that he has is diabetic nerve pain in his feet and it makes it really uncomfortable for him to walk or even just lie comfortably on the couch.

So, I saw these socks and figured we would give them a shot.  My husband was extremely happy with the results because they helped his feet not hurt.  I am going to have to invest in a few more pair of these socks because they work that well.  If you suffer from diabetic nerve pain or other pain in your feet, you really need to invest in these socks.  I am not one who is going to say that something works when it really doesn’t.  I try everything I can to make sure that all my reviews are honest and unbiased and trust me, I have given some products not all that positive reviews because they don’t do what they say they do.

With that said, I highly recommend these socks.  If you stand on your feet all day at work, these would really help you and not make your feet hurt nearly as much.  Here is the link to their Amazon page:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0144CYW8K?redirect=true&ref_=cm_cr_ryp_prd_ttl_sol_31

If you suffer from diabetic nerve pain or just stand on your feet all day, I highly recommend these socks for you.  They really do work and they make a big difference in how your feet feel.

The Watchers, Knight of Light

This is a rather interesting book.  I did enjoy reading it.   It had a good flow to it and was easy to read.  Here is the link to the book:  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/462229

The one quality I look for in a book is if it can take me mentally into the story, if I can see the story play out in my head.  If I can see the characters in my head, make them out to look exactly the way the author describes them, then that is a good thing.  I like to be able to visualize the story I am reading and I have read some books where that just does not happen and I usually end up not being able to finish reading them because they are boring.  This book was not like that and it really was able to keep me into the story and I really liked that.  I have always loved reading because I was able to travel to all the exotic places the author writes about.  That love story in Paris on the Eiffel tower, I can see that in my head as I read the story.  This was a good story and if you love to read then you should give this one a read because it is really good.

Baby monitor by Snug

I was given the opportunity to review this baby monitor and I am so glad that I did.  It is amazing and no matter where I am, I can use my cell phone to look and see what is going on inside my home.  The picture is crystal clear, the volume is very crisp and there is no problem hearing what is going on.  The camera rotates 360 degrees and goes completely up and down, so you can see the ceiling and the floor.  This is so perfect for parents who want to keep an eye on their kids and their nannies or babysitters or just to watch them sleeping to give you that piece of mind.  The one reason I really like this is because when I am out, I can keep an eye on my husband.  He is a 100% disabled veteran and some days he has problems and when I do have to go out, I like knowing that I can check up on him and make sure he is okay.  This is just a really cool monitor and it is awesome to have.  So if you are looking for a good quality baby monitor, this is really the one you need to get.  You can get it on Amazon, here is the link:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00XJI2G2K?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_search_detailpage

 

 

Why are people such superficial fuck tards?  If this was the first time it happened I would be like, okay, that’s their problem, but it’s not.  It keeps happening over and over again and what does that tell me?  It tells me that it is true what I have always known, that I am an ugly ass cow.  Try to meet new people, find a woman to do things with and time and time again they send me their pictures and I compliment them on how pretty they are and I send them mine and I never hear from them again.  How the hell is that supposed to make me feel?  I am so done.  I am sick of it all.  I know I am ugly, I have always known that but I would much rather them write me back and say, Oh my god you are ugly as fuck, don’t talk to me again.  It would hurt but at least it would be told to my face.  But no, get a picture from an ugly woman and just blow her off because we all know that ugly women don’t have feelings right?  Or is that just how I have been made to feel?  It doesn’t matter.  I am obviously never meant to be with a woman, so I am going to stop trying to meet new people.  Done with them all.  I will just stay straight.  I have a good man who loves me to death.  But you know, it still hurts that people do that to you.  Seriously, if this was the first time it happened I wouldn’t think twice about it.  But just about everyone does that to me.  So much for that confidence that I had.  I’ll just go back into my ugly closet and stay there where I belong, no one wants me anyway so why did I even come out of the closet?  I’ll just stay there and not try any more.

Silicone Baking Mats from Bonjour Cuisine

I don’t know how I baked all these years without silicone because they are the greatest invention in the world.  I had seen people on cooking shows use silicone and I wasn’t sure if it was something that I would even want to use.  Well, I was given a chance to try some out and I must tell you, it was love at first site.  These are the best things in the world.  No more spraying your pans with Pam or other cooking sprays that leave icky build up on your baking tins.  I had one silicone mat when I was baking one day and wanted to hurry the process along so I just used the tins without any mats on them and that was such a big mistake.  The cookies on the tins without silicone burnt, it was awful.

I must add that when you use silicone, either baking mats or cupcake molds, etc, they take a bit longer to bake, but they make life so much easier.  These silicone baking mats are great.  Not only do they work awesomely but they are also purple, which is my favorite color and it comes with a cute little purple spatula.

So this set comes with two silicone baking mats along with the purple spatula, which has a silicone top on it.  These really do make baking so much easier and you don’t have to use them specially for baking, you can use them for other things as well.  I used them to cook meatballs on them and it saved me from having to use foil.  I now can’t imagine baking without these.  If you love to bake then you really need to invest in these.  They are high quality, really cool to use and will make your life so much easier.  Below is the link to them on Amazon:

 

These are a great investment and a great price.